What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
