Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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