Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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