Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You ruined the universe
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
