I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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