I must be too annoying 4 u.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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