Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
