well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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