I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She told me I should be a condom model.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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