you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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