I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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