Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
