he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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