Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
