my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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