my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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