I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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