My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
