i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Randomize
