I can feel you judging me through the phone.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
