I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
