dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
