Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
