I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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