okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just pee around me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
