i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
