Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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