I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
