i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
