is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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