Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
