New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
