i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
