I'm going to jail i love you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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