Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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