period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
