why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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