How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
