her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize