Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
