Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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