week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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