there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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