I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
