Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
