He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
