i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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