His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
