I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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