I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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