fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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