I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
