why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
