Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
