Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize