I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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