i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
