apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
