yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone came in the potted fern
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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