New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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