Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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