She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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