Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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