It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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