I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
