I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
