You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
