I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
