we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
