You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
