I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This baby is an asshole
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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