No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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